I Like...My Shed

Many words have been written about sheds and how they are a male preserve. A cave to retreat to when we feel threatened. A place to keep all of our precious things, things so precious we daren't bring them into the house lest they be misunderstood by our womenfolk and cast asunder.

There's something very boyish about sheds, the fact that ideally they're not that easy to see - they should be at least semi-hidden by bushes and other growth.

The path to a real shed should be somewhat ramshackle. Wonky left-over paving slabs and bricks maybe, preferably a bit broken up and with long grass growing in-between. I went to the shed of the man who I buy firewood from recently to find that the last f few yards were so muddy that you had to walk across a couple of 4" wide planks to get to it - most impressive.

Maybe it's something to do with recreating the boyhood adventures of making a "den", but I think dens and sheds both come from some primeval male instinct towards the secluded cave and to hoarding.

A shed shouldn't attract attention, it shouldn't be too inviting to the outsider (i.e. the rest of the world) it should be full of things that make the owner feel comfortable and for exactly those reasons make the outsider feel uncomfortable. A shed is a favourite old scruffy pair of slippers, absolute heaven if they belong to you, but a bit unpleasantly off putting if they don't.

What to keep in this shed then? Tools for a start, garden and otherwise, although a proper shed tool is perfectly serviceable but preferably a bit rusty and with some history - Like the random collection of old spanners that I've got in an old whiskey bottle tin. I've got one spanner that I remember my granddad using to adjust my bike when I was 7 or 8 and a really big shiny one (ok so it's not perfect) that come to think of it, I probably "acquired" from my dad. I can't ever remember him or me having used it, but I used to love playing around with it when I was little and it's the one my own son always picks up and waves around when he spots it.

Sheds should have a collection of useful things in jars or in those cabinets with a dozen or more little plastic drawers. There should be a large amount of something almost brand new but a bit out of the ordinary and therefore basically useless to the average mortal, though far too good not to warrant proper respect.

Personally I have a large collection of galvanized nails too short to be used for regular nailing jobs, too small a head to use for fixing roofing felt and too fat for where a panel pin or similar would be used.

Unfortunately it is necessary sometimes to let others into this inner sanctum to store bikes or gain access to things such as a hose pipe or watering can. This can be largely avoided by keeping these things in the back of the garage (sometimes known as the "poor mans shed"), that is not so personal a space. The back of a garage is also a better place to store things like new tools or unopened tins of paint / varnish etc. that have not earned their place in the shed due to a lack of familiarity.

It is allowable to permit children to enter the shed especially if male, so as to pass on the legacy and instill the sense of awe that a well stocked and mature shed can bring.

A man's shed is a window to his soul - Aristotle